Fox News recently reported that due to increasing costs of feed and the high demand, less chickens will be able to be produced.
“Chicken companies produced about 1 percent fewer birds last year, due in large part to record high corn and feed prices,” Bill Roenigk, chief economist and market analyst at the Washington, D.C.-based National Chicken Council said in a release. “Corn makes up more than two-thirds of chicken feed and corn prices hit an all-time high in 2012, due to two reasons: last summer’s drought and pressure from a federal government requirement that mandates 40 percent of our corn crop be turned into fuel in the form of ethanol. Simply put, less corn equals higher feed costs, which means fewer birds produced.”
First things first – I am absolutely amazed that there exists a National Chicken Council. There is truly a council on everything. According to the overview section on their website, NationalChickenCouncil.org, this group is a national, non-profit trade association representing the U.S. chicken industry that promotes and protects the interests of the chicken industry and is the industry’s voice before Congress and federal agencies. Here’s a picture of a group shot of the board of directors.
Who knew that there was a powerful group advocating for the interests of chicken? I’m all for it. But back to the article.
Apparently the NCC is estimating that roughly 1.23 BILLION wings will be consumed Super Bowl day. Do you know how much Texas Pete hot sauce that is (if you think Frank’s Red Hot or Tabasco is better, you’re wrong and your mother smoked menthols with you in the womb)? How many drumsticks will be left half eaten? Who is taking home a plate of bones for their pitbull, Biggie? Pertinent questions, all of them.
The NCC states that all of the wings could be laid end to end from San Francisco’s Candlestick Park to Baltimore’s M&T Bank Stadium 27 times! Wings are the new bread crumbs.
The second thing I noticed is that Fox News reported this. Where is the CNN coverage during this crisis? Anderson Cooper doesn’t care about black people. This is a million times more important than the Fiscal Cliff, Manti Te’o or missiles in North Korea. Lives are at stake!
This isn’t surprising. Despite the popular rhetoric that black people love chicken (we do), white people ALSO love chicken. Disliking fried chicken is unAmerican. The black US population alone couldn’t put away 1.23 billion wings, although we would try. A large and diverse group of our nation’s finest is necessary to pull off this great feat, similar to getting Obama into office twice. I mean, just look at the young man below:
Chicken is enjoyed by all races, sexes, and creeds, willing to work across all party lines. More universally loved than Michael Jackson, pre-child molestation charges (seriously, who doesn’t like Thriller?).
During these troubling times, the best way to prepare, is to (obviously) stock up on chicken wings. Visit your local Costco or Sam’s Club before the news gets out. Stock up on wings, vegetable oil, flour or breader, Texas Pete hot sauce (f*** Frank), Ranch or Bleu Cheese dressing, and celery for you health nuts. Make sure these areas are set at the proper temperatures to prevent spoiling. Also, keep your storage areas free from jackals and bandits. Protect the chicken (and Lil B) at all costs. Failure to plan is planning to fail.