P’s List of Worst List Makers

Ahhh lists…

This may be a feeling I share only with David Letterman, but lists have to be the worst invention since the parchment, ink and the “classic” novel, “The Crucible.” (Seriously, has anyone ever read that outside of high school? Or actually enjoyed it? I really have no idea what happens in the novel, but somehow I passed English.)

 

If you have to read this for school, take the F

If you have to read this for school, take the F

 

 

I enjoy David Letterman’s lists, as they actually do not suck, much different than the following list of lists…listed below.

Drum roll, please.

Twitter Lists

I don’t really troll much. I dispense the occasional slander. Occasionally I get overly talkative. Rarely emo, because Drake hasn’t released much new recently. But look at some of the Twitter Lists I have been added to.

Terrible

Terrible

My feelings are hurt. Go Dolphins.

 

Complex

I used to enjoy the lists on their website. I really did. And even some of the articles they post now have good subjects. For every “15 Greatest Jim Ross Dubs on YouTube” there is an “A$AP Ferg’s 25 Favorite Albums” (he’s not a good enough rapper for me to care what albums he likes), but that’s okay. No one can win them all. Unless you’re the ’72 Dolphins. Or the 72 Dolphins. The worst problem is that the execution is SO irritating.

81 different pages?! Al Gore didn't create the internet for this!

81 different pages?! Al Gore didn’t create the internet for this!

Of course I know why they do it. Get that ad revenue, Complex, I ain’t even mad. More clicks equals more mula (YMCMB$). Still, I absolutely will not suffer through their webpage.

 

Buzzfeed

The Buzzfeed lists are set up similarly to the Complex site, but the difference is 99% of their lists are about topics completely idiotic and totally irrelevant to the average gainfully employed and competently educated resident of Earth. They are so bad that they are undeserving of a complementary picture with a witty caption.

Somewhat.

[Witty statement redacted]

[Where marginally witty caption would be]

Mel Kiper Draft Predictions

The football draft has just passed, but he never fails to make incredibly awful predictions with the utmost certainty and smugness. I know that the NFL Draft is far from a sure thing, but I still like to get on him.

“(Cameron Newton) is a one year wonder. Akili Smith was a one year wonder.”

:)

Not quite…

“I think Ryan Leaf is more mature than Drew Bledsoe, he’s very much a grown up 21 year old.”

:(

Not quite…

“Jamarcus Russel…three years from you could be looking at a guy that’s certainly one of the top five elite quarterbacks in the league.”

:/

Not quite…

Well, I guess there’s always next year, Mel.

:|

Not quite…

Or not.

Forbes List

Purely added because of a combination of envy, greed and poverty. I, too, err. In all honesty, the Forbes Lists site is nicely constructed, full of pictures, and even leads with a short, inspiring quote before it directs you to lists collections of people insanely more wealthy than you currently are or likely ever will be. Thanks for uplifting me right before you remind me how broke I am, Forbes.

 

For the next topic we will have favorite options for Bullets and Numbering in Microsoft Word. Small dots? Checks? Boxes? Solid or hollow? Roman Numerals? Tune back in next time for this riveting discourse.

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About unclepsflask

Awesomeness personified
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2 Responses to P’s List of Worst List Makers

  1. robbyrav says:

    this post is….SMASHING/Nigel Thornberry

  2. Keyz says:

    LMFAOOOOOOOO at the lists you’ve been added in P. Im weak. Good read though!

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